un-fit!

I have been making a mental stock list of myself after being involved in this new life and surprisingly, at the end of it all, there appears to be a desire to be accepted. I have heard, all too often, that I know too many people. Men in particular. And I never really did notice all of it when I was still with N. You know there was never any need to interact with other people. There was always a plan. There was always this one person you are supposed to be with all the time. Though it is only now I realise how the dynamics of my relationship with a lot of people have changed. There are people who are appreciative of the fact that I chose to walk out. Then, there are those who don’t believe it was the wisest decision.ย  The comments that dictate this usually start with, “Oh But what could have gone so bloody wrong for this step.” , “Come on babe, every marriage has its issues”. “You know maybe you should have tried a little more. In case you had given it time, all would have fallen in place.” Well now I have reached a point whereย  I’m more comfortable chalking it up to the person’s insecurities. I just look at this person oozing out all the wisdom and choose to ignore in case they don’t matter or in my own head work out possibilities of their compromises. ๐Ÿ˜›

However, it has become increasingly annoying and more often than not, a detriment to my love life. Sometimes I feel like if I met people who had no idea who I really was, what my relationship was like, the whole dynamics of what really happened in my past and how I used to live, and i believe that I could receive and I do deserve aย  better judgement for my character.

But I find that the common man is hard to please when it comes to their preconceived notions about me. I attempted being honest about my past with people in the present because I thought it would help me to gain a personal acceptance of my former life or allow me to take responsibility for the parts I played prior to now. But then I started to realize, me being brutally honest would or might not go down that well with most people. Because for them it is simply maybe a mirror reflection of what their life really is in their relationship and they do not want to face the fact.

Why does my current situation make my mind selfishly wander to all these different places? The answer is in me. It makes me stronger to believe that I can travel in my mind ๐Ÿ™‚
Do I appreciate the lessons I learned along the way? Sure I do! But you know love is silly, you might just end up making the same mistakes again ๐Ÿ™‚ Remember that song, Give me reason, don’t give me choice, for I might just make the same mistake again!!
Do I wish sometimes that I grew to be somebody different? Of course! But however, when I do look in the mirror, I love the person staring back!
Will I ever fit in to a world where there is a way to life and you have to follow the rules all the time? I have no clue ๐Ÿ™‚ and for some reason, I am glad I don’t know.

Like the song goes –
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And I headed straight..into the shining sun

coming back to life!

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3 thoughts on “un-fit!

  1. Honesty is a great tool babe…it is an amazing tool that filters the real people from the pseudos. Most people cannot stomach reality. And that tires people like us. But the good part is, one day someone comes along and they appreciate us for our honesty. It has to work out just once, not every time, with every person. People voice their opinion about our relationships because they care or they like the sound of their own voice. Mostly we know the difference between the two…so the ones who care, doesn’t matter what their opinion is…it is more important that they care ๐Ÿ™‚ When it gets tiresome…dazzle them with your spontaneity K…and they will smile, shake their heads and leave you alone!

    1. E, I am still waiting for it to work just once, but I dont mind because this wait is so much more fun and I am sure in the end, it will be worth it!
      Also, until then like you said, I shall dazzle the world and smirk in glory ๐Ÿ˜›

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