I have always wondered about how some couples managed to achieve the right balance. You know the balance, where I am assuming, they do not have to ever reach a tip point of one person turning to the other and asking to leave their dreams aside. Of taking the back seat for a while. And the other person because of all the love in their hearts having to say “yes all right, you live your dream for now. I can wait”.
Well, maybe when you are third person observing stuff, you think it was that easy. There are times I have wished in the past that it was so simple you know. Where the whole point of being married and having a family would be point one on your agenda and in a very very old fashioned feeling you would never feel guilty to do so. But it’s not like that anymore. At least it wasn’t when I was married. We always had logistics to be worked out, more things we wanted, and more dreams.
And even when we did agree of a comfortable point where it was happy ending to the decision or a situation where we felt we had managed to reach a compromise, it never really was. Honestly, one of us was always feeling cheated. Like one of us made the bigger compromise, either of us gave into love and had to make these huge sacrifices so the other would be happy. The only feeling both of us shared at that point was probably of this greatness we have achieved by compromising and following our value systems. Somewhere feeling comfortable that we have done what was most expected of us. We would always think love will take over. And each time love is worth a small sacrifice. But really, how much love would it take for me to give up my dreams now.
Talking about my dreams, they are way more concrete now. You know what I mean. I have a to do list. I have a plan for the next five years for myself. I love my work more. I have to go scuba diving and so all. I was a brilliant fit for the traditional Indian marriage. I would slip into my customs and my family was my priority. I don’t really mean to sound like the soft, submissive wife here. No I wasn’t. I was the more indulgent with every family member at their own level kind of a person. So I would watch regional language television with his grandmother, speak social development language with his father and discuss recipes with his mother. I did have my moments of being too opinionated according to customs, or being too open about my love for his family. But I am passionate. I was born passionate. I believe passion is the only ingredient that can make life worthwhile. And I have always had an insane hunger for everything. I like my appetite for life. I do not want to give it away anymore.
The reasons these things come across my mind are because they are happening around me even today. And when I hear girlfriends on the verge of breaking up with their partners in various stages of their relationships, they always end up analyzing the situation and reaching a conclusion where they would mention “You know babe, had I given up that dream at that point, things might have worked differently.”
Well my life could have been simple had I just told him to follow his path and lived the way I was living. But then my own relationship quotient with myself would have probably just been limited to resenting my own self for the rest of my life. I have come to realize that being selfish and being in love with yourself are two different things. If you are willing to give up your dreams or receive from this world lesser than what you want, then it is a compromise. I promise myself everyday that I shall not let my passion wander away again. I had lost it. I was lucky I found it again that evening I walked out. And if I ever have to compromise, it will be my own free will. I don’t want to pass on neediness or compromise and sacrifice to anyone. I want to pass on the love and passion and zest which makes life worthwhile. I am here selling these soul curries to anyone who needs them. And if you have your own, please allow it to be tasted.