I have noticed a few changes in myself ever since I moved out of home I shared with him a few months ago
I dont –
have the habit of clinging on to text messages sent to me by loved ones. I used to save all the love messages he would send me at different times of our relationship and it just felt better for some reason to delete them all. I have let go of this really annoying habit now and don’t save these texts anymore. I don’t need to read messages from close ones over and over again to know how much they love me or how much I mean to them. This also applies for emails. I have deleted all emails we ever exchanged over eight years of being together. It makes my heart a clearer place for other people to be in now.
I also don’t save little pieces of tissues where friends have written things or little notes exchanged between me and my friends over coffee and beer. I had the most irritating habit of saving little notes and then coming back home and leaving them around in small boxes or little bowls. I am glad I don’t feel the need to do that anymore. I am also in the entire process, saving paper 🙂
I don’t think of all the things I left behind. I used to often think of all the materialistic things I left behind. Like my entire collection of books and DVDs and music and photographs. I now realize how much it has helped to not bring it all back with me. Each book had a scribble in it about him and me and where I got it from. I could not have lived through the entire process of recalling those moments again. It would have been like inflicting pain time and again. I also realized that those things don’t even matter anymore. When you have moved on emotionally, they don’t seem as big anymore.
I don’t take life as a serious game now. I just play my part and laugh out loud. I usually laugh at myself first. I bring the comedy in and I love that part. Because I have realized how short life is and worrying about what I will or will not have tomorrow is just plain ridiculous, or as my favourite character in the movie Bolt would put it, ridonculous 🙂
I love people for who they are and I don’t feel upset if friends say something I don’t agree with. I now give people benefit of doubt. I could be really stuck up about that in the past. But its not a matter of ego for me anymore. I am a little more humble with people. I am willing to listen and that is a big deal in my world people!!
I don’t panic easily. I think it will take a lot for me to panic about a situation now. I am calmer as a person and I believe one can live through everything. The black clouds will and have to go away!
I am hungrier to achieve a healthy state of being, mentally, emotionally and physically. I am more independent and I don’t depend on others to make me feel good about myself. I strive to achieve a state where I can stand up for who I am and who I want to be in the future. I have not succeeded completely, but I give it a try. That is what really matters.
I don’t cling onto old things. I don’t even collect stupid and insipid things from stores anymore. I used to collect ridiculous things and have one thing associated with each memory for each place, for each person I was with. Nopes, not anymore. It was too much baggage. I am just glad I am clutter free now.
As you grow up, and you learn lessons from this experience called life, you realize how you can have a conversation with just anybody, any age. I love my conversations with Catherine, my current friend and flat-mate. She is much older, but I love talking to her. I have friends who are older and I know we connect as much. Age beyond a point, doesn’t even matter. We just end up being mates who are moving towards achieving our goals and reaching our destinations in life. Sometimes I learn things from people who have lived many more years than me, some times I learn lessons from kids cycling around home.
It feels good to be in a space where you are not collecting anymore. I am collecting memories, but I just feel like I cleared out a lot of junk from the past. It may seem irrelevant, but to me it is a big sign of moving on!