Since I chose to end my marriage and openly talk about how I felt back then and how I feel now, I have met several people across the world from different backgrounds who have somewhere been overwhelmed with the same emotions. As time passed, we have spoken about relationships, life in general and spirituality. Often we have also ended up discussing and wondering at the same time if there is ever a right way of driving a relationship to success.
When I was in New york, I met R a close friend. We have known each other since school, witnessed each other through the “I have a crush on that guy in gym” phase, to when we were dating our boy friends and eventually got serious and decided they were the ones for us. R and myself also have another close friend. Lets call her Ray. So with time, two of us got married a few years ago while R was to follow us in the whole matrimony thing early this year. But destiny and life had other plans. As time went by, we kept in touch on and off but got busy with all our personal responsibilities. We rarely got in touch and when we did, it would be limited to general conversations.
This last year has sort of been a BIG year for all three of us. We have at different points in time in the last year, ended our relationships. Ray and myself walked out on our husbands and R chose to not marry N. Time passed by and when we got in touch we realised that this incident had happened with all three of us.
So the reason I mentioned New york and meeting R was because we ended up discussing how three of us, confident, knowing the decision we take in life kind of girls landed in this situation that we did. Don’t get me wrong. We do not regret it. The reason we discussed it was that when you are in a situation like this, you always end up telling yourself that had you taken another approach, maybe it would have worked. All three of us in life took three really different approaches to this and when and how we want to get into this commitment. I got married early. I decided I would do my PhD later in life and build a career after I marry him. R decided to go ahead to do her PhD and take the path later. Ray decided to go to another city, live in with S and then marry him when she was totally satisfied that they were meant to be.
Over time, Ray and R both also fought their families to be with their respective men. Things were smooth for me in that aspect. So R and myself were sitting at a cafe in New york and wondering had life been different had either of us taken another approach. Would I still be with N, had I gone away to do my PhD or had Ray still been with S had she gotten married to him without the live in? Had it been a different story for R had she been back home here in India, and married younger?
With time, I have come to realise there is no one approach to a healthy relationship. It is a lot more complicated that what we see and often more simple than what we make it to be :).
We will never have the answers to these questions. All we have for now is that we have three happy single girls who are having a blast in their own ways in life. We are working towards making ourselves a priority and learning that often you have to let go so you be happy.
There is no ONE way or ONE set of rules to a successful relationship. All that makes a difference is that your heart is still beating the way it did when you saw each other the first time. And no one is worth making a big compromise for. Each of us deserves the love, just the way we want it and if it is not that way, then it is not worth it at all.