So thus begins the New year!
2010 was an extreme year for me. It brought a huge wave of change in life. A tornado of emotions. Good and bad. Happy and sad. All rolled together. It began with a really negative tone. It began with tears. With heart break and pain. With a feeling of emptiness. It also brought along this strong feeling of letting down. I had a constant nagging feeling of letting down those who loved me. And with that I mean my parents. About how this one big decision of not taking my marriage further and walking out on him has affected them. It gave them piercing pain and tears too. It was then that I began to believe this was the end. The end to this person in me who believed. The end of a person in me who loved life, who laughed and who loved like there was no tomorrow. That it was the end of faith. And that there is no one or nothing in life that is worth loving with passion and intensity that I did.
All through that time, my dad always said there are greener pastures in the future. That miracles are round the corner. That God has a bigger plan for me. That he has a purpose and He is the greatest leveler on earth. And yes it did take time to believe. It took time for me to get across my anger with God. It took time for me to understand that he did have a bigger plan and better things planned for me. It took time to love myself again. It took time to feel good about myself as a person. It also took time to understand that there were things in our relationship that were not my problem and that I will not carry that baggage with me.
So yes, the beginning of the year until the end of April was just coping with what was happening at that point in life. And then as the year passed, it unfolded so many facets, it was amazing. It brought new friends, new places, new emotions. It brought in learning to smile again. It brought in laughing and realizing that there is so much more to me than just my past.
I met people across countries.I traveled. I learned a lot more about myself. I grew stronger. I learned about my weaknesses and I found the courage to face them. I found my fears. With them I also found the ability to live through them. 2010 gave me a sense of direction I had forgotten I had.
2010 brought me a lot of pain. But it helped me find myself. I look forward to continue seeking this path this year too!
For I am supposed to be the traveler. The refugee with no land of refuge. All I can do is keep seeking!!
Bring it on!! 2011, I am ready for you!!