There used to be this time when I had this constant feeling like a merry-go-round was stationed in my head.I had a constant awareness of this doom. This big spiraling vicious circle. Like there was continuous unending commotion and disorder. Inside me. and around me. I was up at nights thinking about what really happened and how it happened and analyzing the entire situation in my life while people celebrated life randomly. While they laughed over festivals and new victories in their lives. Like this one big decision had taken over fragments of my life away, coldly. That the warning of what was going to happen was never a big enough warning to prepare me for the storm. And that normalcy was a stranger to this life of mine.
I could never just let it go you know. That piercing pain. I could never just shake it off. Or turn it on snooze. Like a bloody alarm clock. I was always scared and jumpy about really small things. Sitting there, like a very cautious person, eying everything closely.
What has this come to, this feeling of love? What have they made us, the skies above? Memories, dark and solid, like clouds on a rainy day.
But hey, not anymore. Now. I do shake it off. The alarm of emotions sometimes does go off in my head. But then I put in on snooze and sleep away peacefully. For I know I have been honest to myself. For I know He exists. And that is my biggest strengths. My unconditional faith in God. I don’t sit there, analyzing people and looking at them as they are out there with vicious motives. No. I have found some great people on the way. And yes. I am really learning. That somewhere some day, you can learn to UNDO.