Okay! So when I last sat down and pondered over the gone one year and wrote about how 2010 has been a year of pain and grief and how I am looking forward to 2011 since I am so ready for the new year, little did I know God had already decided a few entertaining as well as strength testing events for me! I believe this year is going to pass sooner than I realize. Ironically, a complete opposite of 2010.
January has been a sneaky little mouse. I have not even realized and soaked myself in the feel of the new year, that it is almost the end of the first month. So yes. You, my January are getting over. And I haven’t even started living you, my 28th year on earth!
My mom met with an accident last week. She had to be rushed in for a surgery in emergency and had one more surgery yesterday. It has been a testing time. It is also tough because I have to head to court next week. To file my separation papers. And I have been thinking about the fact that these things have now started affecting my life directly. As children, we never know about pain, hurt, break-ups, heartbreak, divorce, illness, death! We believe these things never happen to us. And look now, as I grow up, it occurs to me, that it has always been there. And now I just know so. Because it happens to me. I live heart break. I see illness around me. I see my mom in the hospital and I hear about death and pain.
Well. there is no choice right. This is going to continue. This life of realization. This time of realization that we all go through pain somewhere. And I am just glad that I was close-by when mom met with the accident. That she will be better soon! She will take months to be better and walk again comfortably, but then I have no complains from God! She survived. It is his greatest gift! A lot worse could have happened.
So, this is what life does. It plays around. Convinces us that we are in charge. But we never are really! We are just following this great power in the universe. That power, it tracks us. Every move! Yes, I believe I am that important and so the power tracks me. It guides me. That is why I have instincts, vibes, connections, bonds.
So, this entire episode of mom’s accident throws me into thinking about the future. The near future, since I don’t really plan so much in life anymore. I am wondering if I really should go to D.C. to school anymore. If its a good idea. To just go and leave my parents behind. I am all they have. And its time for life in reverse now. My turn to take care. And its unfair to just go away! So, this is my dilemma. Maybe its my current state of mind. I don’t know.
Well for now, there is enough on my mind plate to think of anything else. Lets see what you have in store February!