I have had several conversations with friends over and over about a new relationship. Several discussions and a million cups of cappuccinos consumed over when would be the right time to start a new relationship or what kind of guy should I even consider being with now. Apart from the fact that each of my friends have very strong personal opinions about any new guy I meet, they also end up confusing me over who is better and it all ends in nothing but hysterical bouts of laughter and more coffee.
But I decided to give it a thought. And I realised that the toughest thing for me to start a new relationship would be all the thinking that would go into it. It would be like a film, running scene by scene comparing the old with the new and I guess that is why I wonder if I am ready. However, one year is a pretty long time to move on. I know people who haven’t moved on for decades, but I guess I am just not willing to be alone for that long!
So this constant thinking, even if I would not want my mind to run at that speed, I don’t think it cares. It still spins with all the thoughts. And these thoughts are more often triggered when I meet new guys. So when I do meet a new guy I can’t seem to just let it be. I would have a million thoughts about why, where, how, what already. And I guess that is a problem. I must admit, often the problem starts when I start thinking on his behalf. Like for instance, start making up excuses in my head if the guy never called or why they would take me for granted and expect me to make time to meet when they did not inform me well before in time. So I think too much and I get all worked up in knots for nothing at all. And the best part is, eventually when I do meet them, I realise I may never want to be with them in relationships at all.
So I realise where the problem comes from. There is too much thinking. And not enough waiting, not enough seeing, not enough indulging in friendship. Or even knowing the person. I guess I need to for once, let it all go and let the heart do the ranting, not the mind. 🙂