I was talking to my friend C the other afternoon. I had spent a long time speculating over how is it possible that one gets over people they have known for a really long time. Like, friends you grew up with or colleagues you have worked with forever, or lovers, spouses. Or maybe, let me make it simpler. Why do we always reach a point in a relationship and wonder, Okay, so now where do we go? Are we growing together? Are we better friends? Am I being a better lover? Have I in time, become a more understanding partner? More often than not, the thoughts that really cross our minds are not such. They are more about “Why am I stuck here with this person, when I could have been happier by myself’, “ Why does my friend X take so much shit from her partner Y when all through my life I have known her as the no nonsense person? Has she outgrown him? How come I know what he is like and still don’t know what he has become, both equally?
Have you ever sat in between a group of people and wondered what you were doing there? Has the thought “Crap, I should have just gone to the book store by myself instead of coming here” occurred to you while you were meeting friends? Let me be honest. It has happened to me. More in the last one year than before. And that does not mean that I hate those around me or that I don’t love them as much as I did before. So I asked C about it.
“How do we know where a relationship is headed? And is it normal that I feel disconnected with people I have known a long time? And does it mean I am horrible? And does it make me this insensitive girl? Do you think I should be more patient? I mean, how, is it possible, to outgrow people? Do you think I have matured? Do you think my needs, my wants from all my relationships have changed?
He smiled his usual smile. He turned to me and said “Nothing in this life is constant. I hope you understand that. That some relationships grow and they grow better in time, some relationships deteriorate with time and you have to end them, however, some relationships, you may not have any power to end, and so you just let them be.”