Balance

is difficult to find.

I want.

I strive for it.

I am beginning to learn the art.

Its not impossible.

But Dude, its tough.

It fleets me and escapes through the

window when I am not

looking.

Balance is groovy and

I wish

someday

I can find it.

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You know

You know its the longest day in the world when everything seems slow and words fail you. When you want to say things and you want to move on and you feel like you are stuck in a box.

You know its the longest day when you walk out of the house in the dark and realize there is never going to be a day when you walk back in.

You know its the longest day when you might have moved on because you realize you cannot even fantasize of the person anymore. When things from the past, are spoken about in wry humour. That they may sometimes pierce your heart because you wonder when you became so hard about a soft emotion like love. Or when did the feeling of love and genuine affection for someone turn into anger and sarcasm.

You know its the longest day when you wake up with a smile and you sleep with a smile, but you know you would have been more comfortable to find your own space in tears.

You know its the longest day when you take one step closer to the future and you are taking one step away from the past in the same breath and you have to deal with the mixed emotions together.

Have you ever felt like you are standing at the edge of a cliff? Like you may feel two extreme emotions and feel them with the same intensity. When you may want to roar with laughter and burst with tears together. The exact feeling when you are anxious and of course relieved in the same moment.

That moment precisely is when you know. That you are moving on. Fresh skin is replacing the soft scab on the wound. But its going to take time.

Happy Mothers Day!

Mamma,

In you I see myself. Clearly just as if I stand in front of the mirror. To hope that I am as beautiful as you are.

Thanks to the umbilical cord, I am of course a part of you. You are a part of me. Always within me. Even on days you are not around in person. In the last twenty eight years of partying, I have realised that life is all about transitions. Transitions that go from play group to nursery, horrific mathematics to table manners, from barbie dolls to Danielle Steel,from heart-break to healing, and from having a mother who loves you crazily to the best friend you cannot imagine yourself without.

I remember waking you up in the middle of the nights as a child, only to cry and tell you my legs hurt. And promptly you would wake up and talk to me about growing pains. All the nights you spent taking care of me made me realise how symbiotic life is.

The first time I was unreasonably punished in school, I expected you to fight with the authorities. “Life is not always just and people are not always fair”, is all you had to say. You expected me to understand that and now I think I do. I remember coming to you before History exams, howling that I dont recall any answers. You would look and me, simply smile and say, “Nevermind, write what you remember and come back home. We can then go out for lunch”. You fought with the school authorities to take me for a holiday when they rejected my leave during school year. You threw emphasis on the fact that exposure and traveling with teach me more lessons than just sitting in class.

Instances when I did not succeed were simply okay with you. You still made me feel I had a reason to be proud of myself. And you said success was nothing but failure turned inside out and it will only make me stronger. You wiped my tears, always, and taught me the best survival strategies. Restrictions and impositions never found a way, and of course my life is simpler because of your life experiences.

It is the most beautiful experience on earth and I want you to know how grateful I am. To grow up in your shadow and to understand that no matter how many hurdles I have to fight through, life will be smoother with you on my side.

I am Jealous.

Of people who can make life look easy and happy all the time. They live in a permanent state of happy. And I am absolutely not talking about people who are achievers. Or beautiful. Or accomplished.These are ordinary people. And they smile and be happy about the simpler things in their lives. They may have a million issues to tackle in their lives or come with lives filled with emotional baggage. But they insist on smiling and being happy.  Smiles come easier to such people than frowns.

And they smile away. Gleefully. They laugh. Fill rooms with their roaring laughter. And they laugh often until they are in tears. I guess they value. The point that life is passing away beat by beat.

I am learning. To smile all the time. From my heart.

Says.It.All

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I’m loved when I’m completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love until you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye

I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe that your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love until you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love until you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye

-Savage Garden

L’occitane’d!

I have a weird theory of how funny it is that smells always take us into physical memories. 🙂  This is one smell which will always do that to me. I miss my friend from D.C. I think of him everyday and hopefully I will see him again someday. We will make more eccentric memories!

Until then, his memories shall be lock-attained!! 🙂

Random!!

Yourself: Alive
Your partner: Still awaiting him
Your hair: Long and straight
Your mother: Coping with post accident trauma but cheerful
Your father: Latest Best Cook at home/My rock
Your favorite item: My blackberry phone
Your dream last night: I hardly slept
Your favorite drink: Malibu with Pineapple
Your dream home: Will be on an island
The room you are in: Is my cub-hole, my favourite
Your ex: was addicted to being pretentious
Your fear: loneliness
Where you want to be in ten years: Up on a couch, relaxing, having a coffee
Who you hung out with last night: My favourite people
What you’re not: very hungry
Muffins: Can’t eat, too high in calories
One of your wish list items: More books!
Time: Is passing beat by beat
The last thing you did: changed into comfortable clothes
What you are wearing: Tracks and Tee
Your favorite weather: Winter!
Your favorite book: Cannot be one!
Last thing you ate: Watermelon
Your life: Has changed for the better!
Your mood: Happy!
Your best friends: Are people I cannot live without!
What are you thinking about right now: A friend in Europe since he just sent me a text
Your car: is blue and has a very funny reverse horn in it! hee hee!
What are you doing at the moment: Typing this
Your summer: Is here!!!
Relationship status: Single!
What is on your tv: Turned off
What is the weather like: Hot and Dry
When is the last time you laughed: Fifteen minutes ago!

I would so appreciate it!!

If people did what they said they were going to do. And if they do not have the capabilities to do what they said they would in the first place, then do not promise things. Life is easier that way.

When you know you are meant to do those things yourself. Or that you are meant to live those moments alone. I am sure we have all experienced that. Many a times.

I have no clue where this little post is coming from!

Yes, found it!

Yup. The right comic-strip.  I have guy friends who are of the opinion that I worry too much. That I give undue importance to people who don’t deserve it.

My pet name is tree hugger 🙂 and I think I can change the world is what they say of me.

Aaah! Mutts also knows where I come from 😀